Touchstone 3: Informative Essay Revision

Consider revisiting the Unit 3 tutorial The Purpose of Revising. You might find it helpful to use the revising strategies to manage your time, to catch mistakes by reading aloud, to revise by asking questions about your own writing, and to make final revisions by printing out your paper and making revision notes.

ASSIGNMENT: Review the rubric comments and summary feedback you received on your Touchstone 2.2 draft to deepen and extend your analysis of your topic. Submit a revision of your Touchstone 2.2 draft that reflects the feedback. Include a copy of your Touchstone 2.2 draft below the “Think About Your Writing” questions for this unit.

Sample Revised Image Analysis Essay
Sample Revised Extended Definition Essay

In order to foster learning and growth, all essays you submit must be newly written specifically for this course. Any plagiarized or recycled work will result in a Plagiarism Detected alert. Review this tutorial for more about plagiarism and the Plagiarism Detected alert: Touchstones: Academic Integrity Guidelines. For guidance on the use of generative AI technology, review Ethical Standards and Appropriate Use of AI.
A. DIRECTIONS

STEP 1: REVISE THE INFORMATIVE ESSAY

All writers revise their work as part of the writing process. For Touchstone 3, submit a revised version of your Touchstone 2.2 informative essay. The process of revising involves “re-thinking” your essay. Your revision should reflect your attention to the following:
Rhetorical situation
Focus
Organization
Flow
Style
Clarity
As you review the grader’s suggestions and feedback of your draft, evaluate how your essay can be improved in each of the areas above. Focus your attention on the areas that would benefit most from revision. You can add, delete, or move text as you revise your essay.
Note the following revision guidelines:
Do not draft a new essay on a new topic. You must revise your Touchstone 2.2 draft using the feedback provided.
Allow time between drafts so that you can see your original work from a new perspective.

Revision is different from editing and proofreading; however, be sure to edit and proofread your revised essay before you submit it.
BIG IDEA
Revise your Touchstone 2.2 essay using the revision strategies you learned in Unit 3. This revision should reflect significant changes from your first draft, and should incorporate the feedback you received on Touchstone 2.2.

STEP 2. THINK ABOUT YOUR WRITING

Include answers to all of the following reflection questions below your completed revision.
How much time did you spend revising your draft? Which revision strategies did you use, and which of them worked best for you? (2-3 sentences) Sophia says: A good revision takes time. This is your opportunity to re-think, rearrange, and re-evaluate your writing. Which revision strategies did you use? Do you still agree with your thesis? Do you believe that your evidence supports your thesis and that you have met the requirements of the assignment?

How did the revision process improve your essay? (2-3 sentences) Sophia says: Compare your draft to your revision. Have you added relevant details or removed irrelevant ones? Have you changed the order of details or paragraphs? Have you added transitions for better flow? In which ways is your revision better than your draft?
What did you learn about your writing process or yourself as a writer? (2-3 sentences) Sophia says: Think about the entire process of drafting and revising this essay. Did any part of the process surprise you or reveal something unexpected?

STEP 3. REVIEW RUBRIC AND CHECKLIST

Your essay and reflection will be scored according to the Informative Rubric, which considers your revision and edits, effectiveness in addressing the writing prompt for either the advertisement image analysis essay OR the extended definition essay, the working thesis, organization, style and tone, focus, conventions and proofreading, and your responses to the “Think About Your Writing” questions.
Refer to the checklist below throughout the writing process. Do not submit your Touchstone until it meets these guidelines.
Editing and Revising
❒ Have you significantly revised your essay, making adjustments in areas that include organization, focus, and clarity?
❒ Have you made comprehensive changes in word choice, sentence variety, and style?
❒ Have you made revisions that are based on the feedback provided by your evaluator?
Essay Prompt: Image Analysis
❒ If you chose the image analysis prompt, have you revisited your analysis and interpretation of the image’s use of design components to ensure that you’ve done more than describe the ad?
❒ Have you revisited your conclusions about the audience and effectiveness of the ad?
❒ Did you include the image in your essay?
❒ Is your draft 800-1300 words long?
Essay Prompt: Extended Definition
❒ If you chose the extended definition prompt, did you make sure that your definition extends the definition and doesn’t rely too heavily on the traditional definition?
❒ Did you revisit the examples and explanations that support your definition?
❒ Is your essay 800-1300 words in length?
Thesis
❒ Have you revised your thesis statement?
❒ Did you make sure that your thesis states the overall claim of the essay?
❒ Is your thesis one sentence that is located toward the end of the introductory paragraph?
Focus and Organization
❒ Have you reviewed your body paragraphs and made sure that each one has a clear topic sentence restating the subject and main point covered in that body paragraph?
❒ Have you revisited your conclusion paragraph and final thoughts?
❒ Have you reviewed the sequence of your ideas?
❒ Have you improved your transitions to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs?
❒ Have you improved the flow of your essay?
❒ Does your revision have a clear focus?
❒ Have you maintained a clear focus and included only relevant details?
Style and Tone
❒ Have you ensured that the tone of your essay is unbiased and informative?
❒ Have you informed the reader about your topic avoiding the first person and/or framing personal examples in an objective way?
❒ Have you reconsidered your word choices?
Conventions
❒ Have you checked your draft for grammatical errors?
❒ Have you used spell-check or another method to check spelling?
❒ Have you punctuated your essay correctly?
Before You Submit
❒ Have you included your name, date, and course at the top left of the page?
❒ Have you completed the “Think About Your Writing” questions?
❒ Is your essay between three and five pages (approximately 800-1300 words) in length?

REQUIREMENTS

Your essay revision should be 3-5 pages (approximately 800-1300 words), double-spaced, with one-inch margins.
Informative essay revision and topic selection guidelines must be followed or your submission will not be graded.
Use a readable 12-point font.
Composition must be original and written for this assignment and all writing must be appropriate for an academic context.
Use of generative chatbot artificial intelligence tools (ChatGPT, Bing Chat, Bard) in place of original writing is strictly prohibited for this assignment.
Plagiarism of any kind is strictly prohibited.
Submission should include your name, the name of the course, the date, and the title of your revision.
Submission must include, in the following order: your revised informative essay, your answers to the “Think About Your Writing” questions, and a copy of your original informative draft essay (from Touchstone 2.2).
Include all of the assignment components in a single .doc or .docx file.

35/40 that’s 88%
Based on the rubric, here’s how grader Veronica Bond arrived at your score.
Rubric Category Points Percentage Result
Image Analysis / Extended Definition 8.5 25% Proficient (85%) – Prompt A: Primarily goes beyond description to analyze the design choices made in the advertisement, including layout, color schemes, text, and/or other design components; draws conclusions about the intended audience, and the likely impact and effectiveness of the advertisement. Prompt B: Defines a meaningful and nuanced word or concept in a coherent way, primarily using critical thinking and thoughtful discussion to explore the definition; primarily goes beyond traditional definitions to define or redefine the word in a new and unique way. Relies on personal or common knowledge.
Veronica added: Great work extending the definition of courage to include emotions, standing up to others, and helping people. There is always room to improve, so remember to still revise this draft for the Touchstone 3 to best meet rubric requirements. For example, physical courage is the traditional idea of courage and doesn’t quite work to extend the definition. The traditional definition does not need to be discussed beyond the introduction.
Working Thesis 3.9 13% Acceptable (75%) – Has an acceptable working thesis that states a claim, but it may be unclear or unfocused, or consist of more than one sentence.
Veronica added: Good start for a thesis about courage. Note that the thesis is strongest when it is a single sentence that states exactly how the definition will be extended in the body paragraphs. Because physical heroics are traditionally associated with courage, the thesis is less clear than it could be. Here is an example for beauty: The definition of beauty is not limited to a person’s physical characteristics but extends to their ability to show kindness, compassion, and understanding toward others.
Organization 4.4 13% Proficient (85%) – Includes all of the required components of an essay, including an introduction with a thesis; an adequate number of body paragraphs (3-6), each with a topic sentence; and a conclusion with a concluding statement; the sequence of sentences and paragraphs is predominantly logical and flows well.
Veronica added: Great work organizing ideas for this informative essay using topic sentences for each body paragraph. Toi improve, try to use original ideas for topic sentences. Information from sources can work well to support the ideas in the body paragraph (although, research is not needed for this Touchstone), but using them as the topic sentence robs the writer of the opportunity to introduce their original ideas with their own words.
Style and Tone 4.4 13% Proficient (85%) – Demonstrates effective word choices and uses a variety of sentence structures; establishes an unbiased and impersonal tone that is appropriate for an informative essay, with occasional minor exceptions.
Veronica added: Great job informing readers about courage using effective word choice, sentence structures, and mostly impersonal and objective language. To stay more objective, consider avoiding argumentation about “true” courage or that one form is shallower than another.
Focus 4.1 12% Proficient (85%) – Details are relevant and support the purpose of the essay; the writer makes some effective connections between the supporting details and the working thesis.
Veronica added: Great focus for each body paragraph on a different idea surrounding courage. As noted above, the paragraphs will be strongest when they each work to extend the definition past traditional ideas. Consider removing the first body paragraph to help achieve this.
Conventions 4.8 12% Advanced (100%) – There are few, if any, negligible errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, capitalization, formatting, and usage.
Veronica added: Impeccable editing for this informative Touchstone.
Think About Your Writing 4.8 12% Advanced (100%) – Demonstrates thoughtful reflection; consistently includes insights, observations, and/or examples in all responses; answers all reflection questions effectively, following or exceeding response length guidelines. Completes the color coding effectively.
Veronica added: Thank you for your personal reflections and for completing the color-coding requirement!
FEEDBACK:
Thanks for submitting your essay about courage. Ideas like helping others and acting morally work really well to extend the definition. To improve, consider making the thesis specific as to the way the definition is being extended in the essay and then using the body paragraphs to help explain that new definition, including examples when needed. Because the essay is about extending the definition, try to avoid spending time on ideas that align with the traditional definition of physical bravery, as these don’t show what the extended definition is as well as they could. Using original ideas in the topic sentences could also help improve the flow and cohesion. Please see more revision tips in my comments in the above rubric. Keep in mind that revisions should include both grammatical improvements and refocusing the main idea more on the purpose of the essay; accordingly, be open to the idea that some sections may benefit from substantial changes.

 

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