The following are notes from my teacher: Great work on this research paper. think you’ve made great strides in connecting Sharif’s poetry with your secondary sources, especially with Forché’s poetry of witness. The source on ekphrasis is more unclear.
Please see my in-text comments about the paper! In general terms, I think the subheadings are holding this paper back. The paper’s observations happen in short moments and feel a bit disjointed. Your task will be to organize this paper into long paragraphs that build off of one another, and begin with clear claims. For example, on p.3, this notion of the “forced interrelation” of internal and external worlds can be made into a few paragraphs: one paragraph in which you describe the personal and collective memory, the physical buildings and the people inside them, personal tenderness and militaristic violence. These are all productive tensions to organize into paragraphs that might work against the “subheadings” you currently have.
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